House of Payne - D2

Some day, Majzy. Some day.

2012-02-01T18:38:00.000-08:00

I love the crap out of dogs, but when they do stuff like this, it's even more. I want these dogs.

Craigslist fun

2012-01-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

Dear readers, I warn you that this will be a stream of consciousness post. I don't feel like thinking this through and making it coherent. Anybody who doesn't like it can complain to the management and get a full refund for your blog subscription.

So, Kate and I have a pile of stuff in the study that we really need to get rid of. For instance, the router that John and I bought at a garage sale when we lived together. 5 years ago. I have moved some of these things every time I moved since my mission. Since the beginning of my mission. So, I decided to finally take the time to put them on Craigslist.

One of the things was a TV I bought from Seth, my old roomie. I bought it from him when I was getting married and he was getting married and I needed a TV. But it has been sitting in the study for 6 months unused since Kate and I found a steal on a better one. So I finally bit the bullet and sold my old TV for a loss. I posted it for $70 and let the guy talk me down to $50. When he showed up he brought two friends, and they were barely able to carry it out of the apartment. And then they couldn't get it in their car.

I felt a little bad about this, but I had warned him that it was a big, old TV. I even sent him measurements. So I didn't feel too bad. We offered to put it in the back of Clifford (the F-150) and take it to his dorm for another $10. So, we loaded it up into the truck, but Elio was worried that it would fly around and get damaged. He had already paid for the TV, so I totally understand his concern. So, he decided to ride in the back of the truck with his new TV. Bear in mind that it was well after dark, 17 degrees, and kind of snowy.

Poor Elio thought he could handle it, but Kate was smarter than him thankfully. She gave him an extra coat, hat, scarf, and a blanket. We drove all the way across town to his dorm and by the time we got there he said he couldn't feel his legs. But he had a new TV. He got 10 guys from the dorm to help him unload it and take it in. I got $60, he got a TV, and everybody walked away happy. Capitalism!

Stop SOPA and PIPA

2012-01-18T17:53:00.000-08:00

For those of you who haven't heard about SOPA and PIPA, you should inform yourself about these laws and write your representatives and senators if you are opposed to them (which you probably will be- they're really poorly written legislation that will be bad for the internet).

But, to not have too much of a downer post, here's a fun video. About SOPA.

See, activism can be fun!

I wrote my senators and representative today. Did you?

Chinese food

2012-01-17T18:23:00.000-08:00

Last night, Kate and I went out to eat Chinese food at a place in Ypsi called Emerald City. We went because we've seen signs saying they have a buffet, and we love Chinese buffets. But, sadly, they only had a lunch buffet. We thought about going somewhere else, but we didn't know any other Chinese buffets so we decided to just go for Chinese food in normal portions.

The restaurant was really pretty, and I think I may go back some time during the day to take pictures. It was very unexpected. The entrance is around the back, so the front is very plain and it looks kind of like a dive from the road. But the entrance is really fun, with brick arches surrounding the entrance patio. Inside is pretty too, with lots of carved wood work. We were also the only white people there, which I always take as a good sign.

We ordered a family dinner for 2, which turned out to be more than enough food for the two of us to have dinner and a few lunches. When I asked for chop sticks, they brought me out the standard splinter-in-your-mouth disposable ones. You know the ones where you have to break the two chopsticks apart from eachother? Those.

I didn't mind because, like I said, that's pretty standard. But when I looked around, I noticed that all the other people -- the Chinese people -- had way nicer chopsticks. They all had nice polished black chopsticks. So, they gave me the kiddy sticks and saved the nice ones for the folks who know how to use them. I laughed all the way home.

Majzy pictures!

2012-01-10T15:00:00.000-08:00

After posting the History of Majzy, I figure I should post some pictures. I mean, that's what everybody wants to see, right? These are all from the day we brought her home.

We set Majzy up a little spot for her food right below our food in the pantry.

Here you see Majzy in one of her favorite sleeping positions: all joints locked directly out.

And in the exact same pose, except she is sleeping under a chair. It looks way less comfortable. But, she had had a long day.

I'll post some more pictures soon. They're super cute.

Majzy

2012-01-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

For those who don't know, Kate and I recently got a dog. Here's the executive summary: she is pretty darn cute and we are very excited.

The more detailed version follows.

Kate gets really bad panic attacks (I've asked permission to share that with you, dear reader, so don't feel awkward about knowing something you shouldn't). We've done a lot of reading, and we have found that dogs can be trained to help cope with panic attacks. But to make this a useful thing, we would need to be able to take the dog anywhere (because the panic attacks aren't kind enough to only strike at home). So, we did lots of research into service animals.

We decided after all that research that we should get a dog that we could train to be of service to Kate. On the blog, I don't plan on dwelling overly much on the fact that she will be a service dog, but I figured it would come up at some point, and I wanted to mention it from the start.

In looking for a dog, we looked at lots of different makes and models. We looked at grown dogs and puppies. We looked at rescue dogs, rescue-rescue dogs (a term I just made up for dogs from places like Last Day Dog Rescue,which saves dogs from shelters on the last day before the shelters put them down, giving them another chance to get adopted), and dogs from breeders. Janine even tried to get us to adopt a Potcake, which I would have really enjoyed (partially because the adoption process involved spending a week in the Bahamas...) In the end we went through a breeder instead of rescuing a dog, which I feel kind of bad about. I would really have liked to save a dog from a bad situation, but that just wouldn't fit our needs.

We started looking at different breeds. We made a spreadsheet of about 200 breeds (all those recognized by the Ann Arbor Kennel Club). It seemed like as good a place to start as any. One by one we started removing them. Some were really easy- we got rid of about half just based on size. We ended up with half a dozen or so breeds that were worth looking at. So, we called breeders and did in depth research on those breeds.

We found a breeder about an hour and a half away from Ann Arbor who breeds Labradors and Flat Coated Retrievers. She just had a fresh litter of Flat Coats, and one of them seemed perfect to us. When we went out to meet Kim and the pups, we found that she had put little colored collars on each of them as soon as they were born so that she could tell them apart. We wanted the girl with the Yellow collar, which we just called "Yellow," for lack of a better name. We brought her home the next week.

As for the name, Kate wanted to keep the Yellow theme, so we thought of different things that are yellow. Banana is a terrible name. So is Sun, or Daisy, or Corn. Really anything sounds either like a person's name (like Daisy) or like a hippy's name (like Corn). So we went another step. We started looking at other languages just for fun. We put all those words into Google Translate and listened to them in other languages. Kate really likes scandy-land, so she fell on the idea of "Majs", Swedish for Corn. It's pronounced with a soft "J", like Maize. And since I am at the University of Michigan, with Maize and Blue as our colors, it seemed like a good fit. So we landed on Majzy (MAY-zee, rhymes with Daisy).

Majzy is a great pup, and she is being a lot of fun so far.

I was planning on having this post be mostly pictures with just a little explanatory text, but I think I will do that in a separate post. For anyone who just wants to see a cute puppy without going through all the boring explaining.

Happy New Year from Teddy!

2011-12-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

Celebrating New Years the only way I know how. By watching internet videos of cute animals

Christmas dinner: The Eatening

2011-12-29T08:56:00.000-08:00

I just posted about making Christmas dinner, but I thought that the Christmas dinner itself deserved a separate post. Kate and I got out our wedding china for the first time (is that right, Kate?) and set everything up to look really pretty.

(Kate went kind of nuts with the "background defocus" feature on our new camera)

And we set all our food out to enjoy.

For those of you not familiar with the Haglund Swedish feast (or at least, our modified version without pickled herring), you see from left to right, crackers, mashed potatoes, limpa (heavy rye bread), roast and sausage, and fancy cheeses (also bought on sale at Kroger. We can't afford to be too fancy). You might also notice some mis-matched china. I meant to blog about that a long time ago, and maybe still will one of these days, but that was bought at an estate sale here in Ann Arbor and we just wanted to get it out and use it too. It's kind of a peachy-pink color, and Kate really fell in love with it.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas dinner!

2011-12-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

I'm only posting this 5 days late. That's pretty good for me.

So, the date is December 24th. It's Kate's last day at Barnes and Noble. I'm home all alone, so I decided to make Christmas Dinner. And in the finest of family traditions, I made a Swedish feast. The recipe was documented by Sara in her recipe book. It has come in quite handy over the years.

To start, I chopped up an onion (sliced half and diced half) and sauteed it in a little bit of oil in our dutch oven (Thanks John and Dan!)

Then, I browned a beef roast. I found this particular roast on sale at Kroger. Thank goodness for sales. It's about a pound and a half, which is a lot for two people, but it is just right for two people who want leftovers for several days. You just want to sear the sides, not actually cook the roast just yet. A couple minutes on each side is perfect.

Then I put the lid on and let it cook over low heat for a few hours. I deviated from the recipe a bit by adding a healthy (huge) spoonful of minced garlic. Because I love garlic more than I love recipes, which is saying a lot.

After cooking for a few hours, I added another onion. Not just any onion, mind you, but an onion with 4 cloves stuck into it.

I'm not sure why we stick the cloves into the onion like this. All I know is that it seems to please the Swedish dinner gods, so I do it.

Next I added a single bay leaf.

Yum. Partially cooked roast and raw onion and bay leaf. After this, I put the lid back on and put it in the oven (I could have left it on the stove, but the oven was already warm from baking Limpa bread, and I needed the stovetop space)

While the roast cooked in the oven, I cooked up some sausages.

And, of course, threw them in with the roast about an hour before I took the roast out. And that's how you make a delicious Swedish dinner roast.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T20:47:00.000-08:00

Hail the heav'n born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings,
Ris'n with healing in his wings.

Mild he lays his glory by,
born that man no more may die;
Born to raise the sons of earth,
born to give them second birth.

Hark! The herald angels sing Glory to the new-born king!

The problem with special effects

2011-12-22T05:40:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, a young director named George made some awesome movies with revolutionary special effects. But the movies were awesome because of the characters and story, not the special effects themselves. A few years after that, George decided to try it again. He made more movies, but these leaned more on the special effects and less on the characters and story.

What's wrong with that? Special effects are cool, and they can make a movie cool. True, but the problem with special effects is that they are getting easier and easier to make. So, anybody can make a movie with great special effects. Even people who don't make movies for a living. If you want to be better than them, you have to give us more than shiny computer effects.

In other words, once amateurs can do stuff like this, the pros really need to step up their game.

Christmas, Christmas time is here

2011-12-20T05:50:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, Christmas is upon us. Kate and I are back in Michigan after a trip to see parents and in-laws and hospitals. Next time we should probably leave out that last one.

But, as Christmas approaches, I thought I should give a plug for Worldbuilders. If you don't know them yet, go to the link and read up on it. Or read the rest of this post.

Worldbuilders is a charity run by Patrick Rothfuss, author of the Kingkiller Chronicles (big, thick fantasy books about a red-headed wizard. Kind of). The gist is this: Pat and several other fantasy authors organize donations to Heifer International, and then match 50% of donations with their own funds. They (the authors) also donate autographed books and other such neat stuff, which is given to people who donate. The details of how that works are on the worldbuilders site, so check it out if you're interested.

The point, though, is this: because of Pat and these other authors, your charitable donations go farther. My family decided this year that instead of giving eachother lots of stuff we don't need, that we should buy a cow for a family in Africa so they could rise out of poverty. And because we did it through Worldbuilders, we gave $500, enough for a cow, and they gave $250, enough for a water buffalo. That's right. A water buffalo.

So, give it some thought. Every bit counts. Click over to Worldbuilders and check them out.

And Merry Early Christmas.

Army Drill Team

2011-12-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

Well, with Kate sleeping off her Kidney infection, I find myself with some spare time. So, to help me pass the time, I watched this. It's pretty remarkable. The Army Drill Team marches and whatnot without music or drums to keep them on beat. Check them out.

Best Hospital Ever

2011-12-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

Well, friends, here we are. Kate and I took a trip to Texas for Early Christmas (since tickets are expensive at real Christmas). Saturday we flew into Dallas airport and got picked up by Kate's folks to go to Daingerfield for a few days. Kate wasn't feeling super great, what with the travel stress and all, but we weren't terribly worried. Sunday she woke up with a fever of 104. Which isn't good. So she spent all day feeling pretty miserable. Monday she wasn't any better, so we went off to the doctor. After some blood work and an ultrasound we ruled out gall bladder (which was the doctor's first guess), so we checked into the hospital for some more tests. Doctor thought it might be the appendix, which we really didn't want because that means surgery.

CAT scan showed no problems with appendix, but a big kidney infection. Which is actually good news, because there is no surgery involved. Just lots of antibiotics.

So, here I am on Wednesday morning and I've got lots to be thankful for. The hospital is really nice. Kate has her own room with hard wood floors, a really nice view, and even a little patio outside.

Not that we can use the patio (the door to the outside doesn't open) but it gives the illusion of being able to go outside, which is almost as good.

Kate has gotten lots of visitors. It's nice to be in a hospital close enough to home where people can come by. Her Dad brought flowers, and John and JaNae sent flowers too.

All in all, we are very lucky. While I was writing this post, the doctor came in and told us that we are free to go as soon as Kate's IV is done. I am very ready to be sleeping on something better than this

Christmas tree

2011-12-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

Well, friends, now that I am done with my Thanksgiving posts, I get to move on to Christmas. I've been wanting to show our Christmas tree for a while.

We went fake, which I really thought I wouldn't do, but it was such a good deal we couldn't resist.

We don't have much in the way of decorations, and it doesn't smell like Christmas. Which at first seemed like two big problems. But at the checkout line they had cinnamon-scented pinecones. We tied ribbons around them and put them on the tree. Looks like a decorated tree, smells like Christmas.

The only other ornament we have is this beautiful piece that Mom gave us last year.

Near the end of the 19th century, Wilson Bentley was the first person to photograph a single snowflake. He was fascinated with them. Over his life, he photographed over 5,000 snowflakes and never saw two that were the same (which, as far as I know, is where we get that little factoid that no two snowflakes are the same). This ornament is crafted from one of those pictures. It is a beautiful ornament that Kate and I will have on our tree every year.

Merry getting ready for Christmas!

Thanksgiving: Apocalypse

2011-12-05T23:53:00.000-08:00

Well, in case you didn't know, John and JaNae met up with Kate and me for a Thanksgiving at Niagara Falls. There are a couple of other posts about the trip.

It turns out that Niagara Falls is a ghost town during November. Tourists just don't want to come when it's cold, it seems. Now, when I say "ghost town" I want you to understand that it was so empty we were wondering if the world had ended. After dinner on Thursday, we walked over to the falls. No one was on the streets. No other cars, no other people. As we walked, we passed a creepy building that was blaring Christmas music out of a staticy speaker. It was spooky.

When we walked a bit father, we saw a strange display of a bear holding four flags. American, Canadian, UK, and what I can only assume was the Flag of the United Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland. It was a green flag with a yellow mushroom cloud in the middle. A little farther and we saw a bear holding two little cubs...and stomping the head of a third. It was weird. They look like they were supposed to be cute instead of terrifying. Which made them even more terrifying.

The next day we decided to do a bit of exploring. The spooky building was a bit less spooky in the light of day, and it even said they had a free observation deck for you to look out over the falls, so we decided to go in and check it out. And it got even more spooky. It was a completely disorganized array of T-shirts, food stands, and abandoned equipment.

I want it noted that we weren't somewhere we weren't supposed to be. We didn't sneak into the employees only section. This was the store.

Thanksgiving: The Aviary

2011-12-05T16:14:00.000-08:00

Like I said in my main Thanksgiving post, John, JaNae, Kate, and I went to an Aviary while we were in Niagara Falls for Thanksgiving. It was super-fun. This post will be pretty light on the text, I just thought with all the pictures I should break it into its own place.

Pirate wife!!!

The first part of the aviary was a reptile room, where you could touch all the animals. This was a fun little iguana named Fernando. He was very slow and just sort of walked around and sat under his heat lamp.

One of the staffers walked around with a giant snake. It was really big.

There were two turtles who just wanted out of their enclosure. This little guy just kept trying and trying to scratch his way out.

After the reptile room, we went into the small bird room. This is the only picture from the small bird room. I liked this one because it looked like a coloring book picture of a bird that a 3rd grader colored. Purple, yellow, red, everything. Just a bunch of colors.

After the small bird room and a nocturnal bird room (no pictures...it was dark) we went into the big bird room. Both big birds and a big room. This bird was huge and he just sort of sat there up near the top like he was king of the world.

At least, he looked like the king of the world until this Phoenix flew by (maybe it wasn't phoenix. It was hard to tell).

I tried to get a good picture of this one, but he was tough to get. He was a really pretty green and black. I've got more pictures below.

And that's about all we got from the aviary. Fun!

Alloy of Law

2011-12-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I said it somewhat in jest, but it turns out Brandon Sanderson described this book pretty much exactly the same say I did.

Thanksgiving!

2011-11-30T18:21:00.000-08:00

Hello there, dear readers. It's Cyber Monday Eve [as usual, when I mention the date in a post, it actually took me 4 days to get back to writing this, so it's not Sunday anymore], and I'm back in town after a nice Thanksgiving trip to see John and JaNae at Niagara Falls. So, here's what happened.

Actually, for some of the story to make sense, we have to start early. Last Saturday. Kate and I had a pretty fun day- just enjoying ourselves and a nice day off. Kate was having problems with her eye, though. It was hurting and kind of blood-shot all day. No bother, we thought. Just a weird contact thing or some such small problem. It got worse and worse through the night, and eventually we went to the ER early Sunday morning. Long story short, everything was fine. The contact scratched her eye up a bit, so she is on strict glasses-only orders for a week or so while it heals.

So, Wednesday comes around. Kate has to go to work, but she can't find her glasses. If she wears no glasses and no contacts, she can't see. But she can't put a lens in her right eye because it's all scratchy. And she can't just wear one contact, because that messes with your vision (or so I hear). So, my dear wife being very resourceful, she just puts a contact in her left eye and gets an eye patch to put over the right.

(artist's rendition)

So, after work, Kate and I headed off to Niagara. It's an hour shorter to go through Canada, so we headed off to the land of Poutine and kilometers. Crossing the bridge from Michigan to Canada was an ordeal. There's a 4 dollar toll just to cross the bridge, which felt kind of excessive. The lanes were really narrow and there were trucks getting really close. It was stressing me out.

When we got to the border, the border patrol guy asked Kate if she was smuggling parrots into Canada. Ha Ha! Pirates! After a very long drive we got back to America. The American border patrol was way less fun.

We got to the house in Niagara Falls late Wednesday night. I took a few minutes to get Grandma Payne's rolls going, since they rise overnight. Thursday morning, John and I got up and went to Walmart for some last minute things, then started making dinner. We made some Dad Payne stuffing (butter, onions, bread, sage, and no other ingredients) and got everything cooking.

Grandma Payne's rolls, for those of you who don't know, are baked in a muffin tin. You put three balls of dough in each cup and they rise together and form beautiful pull apart rolls. Like this:

But Kate and I only own one muffin tin, and we forgot to ask John and JaNae to bring more, so we had to improvise. We had a pie tin that we were going to use for pie later, so we figured, why not make a bunch of dough balls and put them in the pie tin? I did this, and it sort of turned into a giant roll.

Pretty darn tasty, though. Here's the whole spread, giant pie-roll and all

It was a heck of a Thanksgiving. After dinner and before pie, we walked to the falls. While the walk itself will be part of another post, I thought I should try to post one of my terrible pictures of the falls here. These were all taken on my iPod since my camera died recently. (Thankfully, I found a good one on Black Friday so I'm back in business.)

The next day, we went to an aviary on the Canadian side of the border. It was really close and we were able to just park on the street on the American side and walk over. The place was really neat and I think deserves its own post. So, till then!

Internet Fame pt II

2011-11-26T17:44:00.000-08:00

Well, dear readers, I find myself internet famous again. Here I am on the "Blog" of unnecessary quotation marks.

Efficiency! I love it!

2011-11-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

see more There I Fixed It

(Yes, I know this is a gag- there are two bags in there. Just let me have my laugh.)

Some day, this nerd will be me

2011-11-20T18:23:00.000-08:00

Mistborn

2011-11-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was excited for the new Mistborn book to come out, and I thought I should follow up on that. I finished the book (it turns out that the free teaser chapters that were online before the release were almost 1/3 of the whole book, so what was left was a pretty fast read), and it was pretty good. Solid.

At some point, I'd like to muse about the series as a whole, or maybe even Brandon Sanderson's universe that he writes in, but for how I have just a few thoughts for anybody who is considering reading this book. It was a very fun read, but very different from the original trilogy. It was much less epic. I don't mean that in the way lame teenagers use "epic" as a substitute for "cool," but rather I mean that the scope of this book is much smaller. It came from a free-write where Brandon Sanderson apparently said to himself "what would Sherlock and Watson be like if they were magic?" It turns out that they would be pretty darn cool.

So, what can you expect from this book? Some of Brandon's hallmarks are missing (epic scope, intricate plot, lots of twists and surprises), and some of them are very present (a well thought out plot, fun and original magic system, interesting characters, some very cinematic fight scenes, and a very internally consistent world).

And one thing I noticed that is one of Brandon's biggest weaknesses (bad banter) is getting way better. I don't mean this to be hyper-critical. I could never do what he does. But he loves to include witty banter that sounds like an author writing witty characters, not like real witty people. If that makes sense. Anyway, in this book, the witty banter is way way better. It's only rarely clunky and awkward. It's kind of fun to have been following Brandon's works from near the beginning and see him develop in little ways like this.

So, it's a really fun book that you should read. And you don't need to read the first books to get it. There are some moments where people who read the original trilogy will chuckle at inside jokes, but I don't think newcomers will be too lost.

Evolution

2011-11-14T17:50:00.000-08:00

From Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

Whoopsie

2011-11-12T14:36:00.000-08:00

So, it turns out that I'm not terribly bright. The other day, I got frustrated and posted a rant. It was a pretty good rant, as rants go. Brad even made an insightful comment on said rant. Then I posted on my Facebook wall that I was updating my blog. Moments later, I got a thumbs up from a faculty member at the University. Which reminded me that my readers include more people than just Brad and my family (which is almost repeating myself).

So, I hurried over to my blog and removed the post that might have hurt some feelings. If anybody read a post that they can't find anymore, that's why. I apologize to anybody who I might have offended.

Moral of the story? Never say anything you don't want everyone hearing. Thanks a lot, internet. Thanks a lot, Al Gore.

11-11-11

2011-11-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

Friends, in addition to being Veteran's day, today is very special. As was pointed out this morning on Ace, it should be the one day in the century to celebrate Nigel Tufnel.

So, let's celebrate all things 11.

Veterans Day

2011-11-11T04:37:00.000-08:00

We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm. — George Orwell

Today is Veterans Day. So, thank a veteran for being willing to serve you and me and keep America safe.

Productivity

2011-11-10T05:52:00.001-08:00

[update- Kate submitted this to ILoveCharts.tumblr.com and now I'm internet famous. Well, I'm internet somewhat known. Well, a few people said they liked it. Which pays about the same as being internet famous]

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

Well, dear readers, I have a Halloween treat for you. It's the Survivor of the Flames, carved onto a pumpkin.

If you're not nerdy enough to understand my treat, you need to read the Mistborn trilogy. That'll nerd you right up. Yes, I'm asking you to read 3 whole books to understand a throw-away joke on my blog. Trust me, it's worth the read.

As a side note, I'm super-excited for the new Mistborn book to come out next week!

Frenzied posting

2011-10-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

Well, in case you haven't noticed, I've had a flurry of blogging this last week or so. Some of you are wondering why that might be. Those of you who have been reading my blog for more than 6 months don't wonder that because you recognize the cycle of "wow! Blogger is super-awesome!" to "meh, I'll blog next month..." and back.

But for those inquisitive few, there is actually a reason this time. Kate's sister Jessica needed to drive from DC to Texas with her dog and her baby. That would be a grueling drive with no other adult around, so Kate offered to go along. So, Kate flew to DC on Wednesday and spent Thursday and Friday (today) driving to Texas. The plan was for her to come back next Wednesday after spending a couple days with her folks, but then my brother James went and had a baby. I guess it was actually Regent who had the baby, but you get the picture. With neither grandma able to come help out with a new baby, Kate offered to spend a few days in San Antonio helping James and Regent. I've got such a thoughtful wife.

So, Kate is in Texas for two weeks and I'm all by my lonesome. There's only so much Malcolm in the Middle I can watch, so I blog too. Plus, I gotta give the fans what they want.

Movie Review: Tron Legacy

2011-10-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well, imaginary readers, it's been a while since I've posted a movie review. Tonight I am watching Tron: Legacy, and I have to give it an enthusiastic "meh."

Tron Legacy has excellent visuals. Let me just get that out there from the beginning. Visually it is a beautiful movie. They even managed to have a young Jeff Bridges digitally put onto a body double for most of the movie, so it looks like you've got Jeff from the same time as the original Tron was made. It's really impressive.

And, since lots of computery people wear masks (for some reason), Daft Punk has a brief cameo as a couple of DJs, which was kind of a fun wink at the audience.

So, so far we have two things going for us: fantastic visuals and the "hey, it's that guy!" moments. Unfortunately, this film has very little else to offer. I could talk about the bad acting (even from Jeff Bridges, which is hard, since he is so awesome), the lame writing, the Good Guy Ex Machina ending, and plenty of other things, but I won't. Let me just focus on two things, one intangible and one very tangible.

The intangible problem with this movie is that it lacks charm. Tron was just such a charming, fun movie, but Tron: Legacy isn't. It's hard to put my finger on the exact problem, but I think it is that they tryed to make it epic and big, instead of just making it fun.

The more tangible flaw was the serious over-use of a couple of effects. For instance, every time anyone did anything cool (dodge a flying computer-frisbee, crash a light cycle, etc) they went into super-slow-motion. It was kind of insulting after a while. It felt like a laugh track. The people who made the movie didn't think I was smart enough to catch how totally amazing that move was, so they slowed it down for me. It got irritating.

And finally, one unrelated thought. In the original Tron, the programs all saw the user as some sort of God, which was interesting because we got to deal with the user feeling like he was nothing and everyone else feeling like he was everything. It made the character deeper. In the sequel, they try to make the user into God. Flynn was sort of a cross between Rand-Jesus from the last couple Wheel of Time books and Neo. It was a bit much.

All in all, it was an OK movie, but I'll probably never watch it again.

Ken Jennings is the 99%

2011-10-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

Ken Jennings has a worthless humanities degree.

"...a huge multinational corporation poured millions of dollars into a computer that would demolish me on national TV, robbing me of my livelihood..."

He is the 99%. Hilarious.

Conference

2011-10-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Monday afternoon (actually, by the time I am finishing this, it's Wednesday night...). I had a really busy weekend, and I thought I would tell some of it here. I won't tell all of it here because, honestly, it was really boring (just ask Kate- I made her listen to a play-by-play). This weekend was the Midwest Microbial Pathogenesis Conference. Or as Kate called it, the Germ Convention. Friday after work we got a talk about a bacterial transport system. It was kind of slow, but the dinner was delicious.

At dinner I talked to Jose Martinez, a young professor from the University of Chicago (I think). When he heard I was a member of the Church, he pointed to another professor and said "Dr. X over there" (no his name wasn't really Dr. X. What do you think this is, a comic book? I just forgot his name) "Dr. X over there is a Latter Day Saint and he's a really good man."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Good for him?" "Yeah, me too!" I think I ended up saying something like "huh. that's neat." Not the best answer, but regardless, it got me thinking a bit. I hope that people who know me say that to Mormons they meet. "That David Payne is a Latter Day Saint, and he's a really good man."

Saturday morning we went to lots of talks. LOTS of talks. In the afternoon I presented at a poster session. It was my first presentation of my research to the broader scientific community. I got lots of interest and lots of questions, and mostly very positive feedback. It felt good to be so well received. Blaise wasn't around much at the conference because his wife, Suzie, started having contractions (contractions have since stopped and no baby yet). But he did give a talk that blew some minds. Our lab is doing some important work in the field of pathogens.

So, there were lots more talks, and lots more science. But like I said, I don't want to bore people. Take home message: I presented and I rocked the house.

Michael Winslow

2011-10-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

Does anybody else remember Michael Winslow? He was the Black comedian from the 90s who did all the sound effects. The one from Police Academy. Anyway, I remember that he did all sorts of crazy sound effects. Turns out he has spent the last decades honing his craft. It took me a minute to realize that all the sounds in this video other than the acoustic guitar are coming out of that guy's mouth. Take a look.

I been saying it for years

2011-10-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

The key to piracy-control is to make it more convenient to buy products than to steal them. Video piracy has gone down significantly since Netflix came on the scene. I read numbers on that a while ago, but now I don't feel like looking them up. And now, we hear it from Steam, a video game company.

If only the new NBC execs got this they would be making Hulu bigger instead of trying to kill it slowly. Sad. Maybe they should hire me to explain it to them.

I am a gremlin

2011-10-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Just in case anybody needs some funny for the day, I present for your viewing pleasure:

A bad lip-reading of Mitt Romney.

Happy Step-Child!

Construction workers. Geniuses.

2011-10-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

The lab next to mine is under construction. It used to be a lounge with couches and a pool table and such, but now that it's a lab, it has to have a reenforced door. Yesterday they took off the old door, but they didn't have the new door in yet. Rather than put the old door back on, they just put drywall over the open doorway. Anyway, I just thought it was funny.

Camping trip part III - the site

2011-10-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

After the drive, we got to DH Day camp ground.

It was a beautiful little spot in the woods to pitch our new tent.

The site was really nice. Fire pit and picnic table right next to the tent, just out of frame. The best part of the site, though, was that it was so close to Lake Michigan. These next pictures are taken less than a quarter mile from the tent.

We didn't stay long at the lake because it was really really cold. We made a brief trip into town, which was fun. The town clearly makes most of its money off of tourists coming to see the dunes. One place that was clearly doing well was the Cherry Republic - a store that sold dried cherries, cherry salsa, cherry chutney, and pretty much any other combination of words that contains "cherry".

We got cherry apple cider there and warmed up a bit before heading back to camp. We spent most of our time back at the site reading. Kate read in the tent

while I read by the fire (and since I had the camera, there is no photo evidence of that part of the trip).

All in all, it was a great trip. Some minor problems with the weather and such, but all in all, it was a really great weekend.

Camping trip part II - the trees.

2011-10-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

So, we got back on the road after eating at Iva's. As we got farther North the drive got absolutely beautiful. I wish I could have caught it with some better pictures, but pictures coming out of a truck on the highway are not great. Here are a couple tastes.

The trees were just gorgeous. They were just starting to turn, so we were driving down the road, and suddenly a brilliant red tree would pop out of the green. Just a fantastic drive.

Camping trip part I - the drive

2011-10-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

Hey there, readers. As promised, I'm posting some pictures from our recent camping trip. It was pretty fun, so here's some pictures and a travelog.

Kate and I headed up to Sleeping Bear Dunes, up in the North West corner of Michigan.

For reference, we live in Ann Arbor, down by the base of the thumb. That's a lot of mitten to cover. We left AA about 10 in the morning excited for a camping trip. It was pretty rainy but we have a tarp and we weren't that worried.

On the way we got hungry, so we pulled over in Sterling, MI (pop. 533). Not much there, but we had a good feeling. And we were right. You see, Sterling, MI is home to Iva's Chicken Dinners.

Here's Kate in her camping clothes freezing so I could take a picture of Iva's. Isn't she sweet?

We ordered a Family Style dinner, which apparently means "Enough food to feed several families". They brought us soup, bread, cole slaw, mashed potatoes, and a whole fried chicken. That's right, I said a whole fried chicken.

I forgot to take a picture of the spread, so enjoy the picture of the aftermath. You can't see it in that picture, but the plates were very cool.

That's right, the restaurant's plates have a picture of the restaurant. Awesome.

And of course, we had to top it off with a slice of pie.

More to come...

2011-09-02T19:37:00.001-07:00

Watch "Duck eating Pizza Hut Pizza" on YouTube
Ghostposted by Kate:-)

Happy Birthday!

2011-08-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

30 years ago today, International Business Machines announced the release of a new product: A personal computer. Reading about this thing is truly amazing. The basic model came with 16 kb of "user memory", which I can only assume is analogous to hard drives today (my home PC has just north of 3 Tb of hard drive space...). The computer could only display 256 characters of text in 12 "type styles".

I wonder if those guys could have thought that one day their new productivity-enhancing machine would be used almost exclusively for this.

A few of my favorite things

2011-08-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

There are some things that I really love. America is one, so by extension, I love reading about our brave men and women in uniform. Dogs are another (no, Kate, we still can't get one). So, how could I not post an article about a marine dog?

This dog was born in an American FOB in Afghanistan, and now it goes out with Marines on patrol. There just aren't words to describe how awesome that is.

New show

2011-07-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

Hey, Dear Readers. I've got a recommendation for you, but you have to act fast. Really fast. Like, it expires this weekend fast. Hulu pointed me toward a new (to me) show. Andy Richter starred in 6 episodes of a show called "Andy Barker PI" where a CPA gets mistaken for a PI.

So, if you feel like killing your weekend on Hulu, check it out.

This is why your newspaper is dying

2011-07-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

As newspapers transition to online media, it is becoming clear that they don't get the internet. Sad, but true.

StarCraft

2011-07-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Well, dear readers, it's blogging time again. Kate is at work, I am at home alone, and I don't feel like doing laundry.

What have I been doing for the last two weeks, you ask? I don't remember. But I can give you one thing. StarCraft. You see, my lab and Matt's lab both play a decent amount of StarCraft (for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it is a strategy game where you command an army of humans, alien bugs, or alien robots against another player commanding a similar army). Not a lot of StarCraft, but a good bit. It's our lab bonding time. And recently, we've been talking about doing a tournament.

So, to make a long story short, today was day one of our double-elimination StarCraft tournament. I'm not terribly good (because I generally go home to my wife while the single folks play), but I thought I could at least beat somebody. I was the second lowest seed (yes, we did a seeding and everything), so my first round was against the second-best player. He thoroughly destroyed me.

My second round was against YiZhou (which I am sure I am spelling wrong)- a Chinese student in Matt's lab. I've beaten her before, so all I had to do was keep my head and play it safe. It turns out, I don't like playing it safe. I took a huge risk at the beginning, knowing that if I survived the first 5 minutes, I could easily wipe her off the map. And I didn't survive the first 5 minutes. She totally read my play, and took me out.

So, I'm out of the tournament. Sad :(

The end of the world as we know it

2011-06-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Society has reached a new low.

Humanity is doomed. Dooooomed!

Summer begins

2011-06-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, it's summer again. Time for me to come out of hibernation and do something active.

A friend of mine, Abe Gong, emailed saying there was going to be a frisbee game. I dutifully dusted off my cleats, found my knee brace, and loaded up on Vitamin I. I took the bus to Northwood field and got ready to make a fool of myself (turns out I'm not very good). But there were only 3 other people there. Not enough for much Frisbee. We played HotBox for a few minutes, and then just threw around for a few more, and headed home. All in all, not the glorious start of the season I expected, but it was still good to get outside for a while.

Funny Aggregators

2011-06-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Well, dear readers, it's time to muse. So I will muse away.

I was thinking the other day about blogs I read, and I came up with a new category- "Funny Aggregators". These are blogs that have no original content (except maybe commentary), but rather just aggregate funny things following a certain theme. So, I wanted to make a post (or two or three, depending on how long I feel like doing this) to introduce you to them. And maybe see if there are any I'm missing.

Bear in mind that most of these are Exactly What They Say on the Tin. Here they are in no particular order (follow the links to see a good example of each).

First, Awkward Family Photos. I never was a big fan of taking pictures, but I am always glad that I don't have a family that makes me take some of these weird pictures.

Then there's Passive Aggressive Notes. People can be so cruel. Often when they don't mean to be.

The Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks is pretty funny, too. You see, when you put something in quotes, it can change the "meaning." IYKWIMAITYD.

Cakewrecks is a blog where they take pictures of poorly decorated cakes. Except it's funnier than it sounds.

At People of Walmart you can see the awesomely classy folks that shop at our favorite store.

Lamebook catalogs the dumb things people say on Facebook. Included are people who can't spell, groups that shouldn't exist, and people who should make sure to look at the whole picture before they post it.

And, finally, we come to Dogs Eating Pasta. Pictures of dogs. And they're eating pasta. Exactly what it says on the tin.

So, dear readers, are there any funny aggregators that I should know about? Which of these is your favorite?

You just can't make this stuff up

2011-06-23T11:25:00.001-07:00

Why do we need movies with Ah-nold? Here's the real commando.

George Lucas

2011-06-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

Thought some of my friends and family might be nerdy enough to enjoy this.

d2

Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own?

2011-06-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

Because it was two tired.

(maybe it works better if you say it out loud...)

iPods

2011-05-31T05:43:00.000-07:00

So, I have a question for all my readers. You may remember (if you read my blog, which you obviously do) that I recently got an iPod. I also have a $10 iTunes gift certificate. So, for my readers with iPods (or with friends with iPods), what apps would you buy for a total of less than $10? Leave it in the comments or drop me a line some other way. I'm curious what you guys think.

Being President

2011-05-30T05:53:00.000-07:00

It must be hard being President of the USA. I think this Onion article sums it up pretty nicely.

WASHINGTON—Despite being constantly tempted by the seductive power of having an apocalyptic arsenal at his fingertips, President Barack Obama somehow made it through another day Tuesday without unlocking the box on his desk that houses "the button" and launching all 5,113 U.S. nuclear warheads.

Though the president confirmed his schedule was packed with security briefings, public appearances, and cabinet meetings, he said he couldn't help but steal a few glances at the bright red button, which is "right there, staring at [him], all the time."
Tuesday marks the 841st-straight day Obama has withstood the button's powerful allure.

The whole article is pretty good.

Dr. Lucky beware!

2011-05-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well, dear readers, I thought this day would never come. But it has. But it has.

Cheapass games (or as we sometimes call them to avoid saying "ass" in front of Dad, Chiapas Games) has reopened their doors. Well, I guess since they are an online store, they've opened...some other metaphor. Like servers. Or whatever. The point is, James Earnest has started making games again.

For those of my readers who might be unfamiliar with Cheapass games (which is relatively few, since my main readership is blood relatives, in-laws, and Joleen), they make extremely fun and extremely cheap board games. Things like Kill Dr Lucky (which is basically a game set an hour before you start playing Clue- a bunch of strangers are stuck in a weapon-filled mansion with a guy they all want to kill), The Big Idea (where you try to sell products like Chocolate Penguins or Glass Orchestras or Explosive Sushi), and Captain Park's Imaginary Polar Expedition (where you try to convince your friends that you've gone on fantastic adventures by buying trinkets from pawn shops and making up stories).

These games are super-fun. Kate and I probably have 15 of them. I was heartbroken when they stopped making new games a few years back. They sold off all their old titles, some of which have been turned into $30 board games, missing the entire point if you ask me. But I expect that their new stuff will be more in the old style of clever and fun and cheap.

I hate to sound like a shill, but I am talking good about them for two reasons. One, I really enjoyed their games and am genuinely happy to see them back. Two, they have free games on their website, and asked that people who downloaded them either donate some money or tell some friends. Clearly, I am doing the latter. So, if you want to see what I am talking about, just click the link and check them out. Of the free games, I have personally played Agora and Deadwood, and both are really fun.

Let this stand as my official declaration that a Cheapass game is always a good present for the Michigan Paynes. Especially for Kate's birthday- I love it when she gets stuff I like.

Happy happy birthday, David

2011-05-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it's birthday report time. Before I forget it all.

Last Tuesday I turned 26. It's the first in a long stretch of boring birthdays. 18 you get to vote, 21 you are considered an adult in some other important ways (like gambling and booze), 25 you get cheaper car insurance and can rent a car. And the next big event is when you turn 60 and get a senior discount at the movies. So from 26 to 59 not much happens.

Since Kate was working on Tuesday, we decided to spread my birthday out over the whole week.

Monday we went to Walmart to pick up a gift from Mom and Dad. I love the internet- Mom and Dad bought a present online, and we got to go pick it up at our store here in Ypsi. No wait for shipping, nothing. They got me an iPod, which is really fun. I've done facetime with them and with John, and one of these days I will add Sara and Adam and Sam and Mollie so I can facetime with the kids. Nothing solidifies you as best uncle like some video chatting.

Tuesday was my actual birthday. Rachel (the tech in my lab) brought in a delicious cake she had baked- it was like a Snickers ice cream cake. Peanuts, vanilla ice cream, caramel, and chocolate. Yum.

Wednesday the labs went out for a fun lunch. It was a place called Mark's Carts here in Ann Arbor. Basically, some guy bought a vacant lot and rents out space to 5 or 6 people who bring in food carts. Because this is Ann Arbor, it was all organic and sustainable and all that (which, as I learned from Jim Gaffigan, is just another term for "more expensive"). It was really fun, but probably expensive enought that I wouldn't eat there except on special occasions (but not too special...they are food carts after all).

Thursday was my "birthday" in that it was when Kate and I went out and had a special dinner. That makes it a birthday, right? We went to a barbeque place in Willis called Bone Heads. Their logo is a flaming skull and crossbones with a chef's hat. I kind of expected a divey-scary biker bar, but when we walked in, it looked like something between Grandma's house (not my Grandma, just a Grandma) and an old west saloon/brothel. The Barbeque itself was pretty good, but it's hard to please a couple kids from Texas with Yankee barbeque. The sides were fantastic. We got some delicious home made mac and cheese (with some special cheese, but I can't remember what), fries (which tasted pretty much like fries), cornbread (in the shape of a skull to go along with the theme) and the best fried pickles I've ever had. They were something else. On weekends, there is a live band at Bone Heads, and I can only describe it as "lounge blues." It was just a guitar, bass, and drums, no vocals, and they played sort of light bluesy-jazzy music. It was really fun and the guitarist was quite good.

And that was my big, fun birthday week. I miss anything big, Kate?

Addendum: Swedish Chefs part II

2011-05-23T04:47:00.000-07:00

There is a very important Swedish chef I left off my last post. Probably because I found it last night. This will only be funny AFTER watching the Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time.

I wish I had Swedish kids. They'd be so cute.

Swedish chefs

2011-05-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Well, it was my birthday this week. At some point I may or may not get around to talking about it. It was pretty fun.

Until then, I just wanted to talk about Swedes. Do you remember the Swedish chef?

Well, Swedish chefs have changed a bit since I was a kid.

Actually, with all the unintelligible yelling, the hitting stuff with stuff...maybe they haven't changed at all.

Video Dump

2011-05-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, life has been pretty busy lately and I've been neglecting you, dear readers.

So, to make it up to you, here are some of the youtube videos that have kept me busy. Enjoy!

McRunning

2011-03-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

I recently read about a truly amazing guy. And because I am kind, I will spare you the trouble of reading about a truly amazing guy.

Does anybody remember the movie Super Size Me?

It was a documentary about a guy who ate nothing but McDonalds for 30 days. He gained a bunch of weight, his cholesterol shot up, and he got pretty sick in general. This got lots of publicity and McDonald's got in lots of trouble.

So, enter Joe. Joe is a marathon runner, and from the little I know about marathons, he is quite good (personal best time: 2:36). (My personal best time: 7 years). Joe loves McDonald's, so he decides to do the same thing. For the 30 days before the LA marathon, he ate nothing that he didn't buy at McDonald's (the only exception being water and that weird sugar-goo that runners eat while they're running). He continued training, and running, and all that during the month. In the end, his vitals were as good as they were before, and he beat his personal best time by a few seconds, still finishing in 2:36.

I love this story. I could go on about the moral of the story, but I think it's obvious.

Now if only somebody would run a marathon after eating Pizza from the Diag Party Supply store across from my lab, I would feel much better (I'm pretty sure that Diag Pizza is technically considered a chemical weapon, but a very tasty chemical weapon).

Time to update

2011-03-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, it's time for another post. It's been a while.

Today I am in the lab without much to do. Not that I'm lazy. It's the nature of my work that sometimes stuff slows way down. In order to start some new experiments I need to do, I have to grow up new bacteria. They are currently in storage at -80 degrees Celsius. That's cold, in case you didn't know. Before I can use them, I have to grow them for a day on solid media (think of bacteria growing on top of a petri dish full of Jello), then a second day in liquid media (think of bacteria growing suspended in salty Gatorade). Then I get to start my experiments.

So, to try and make the best use of my time, I decided to write a Java program for one of my lab mates. I'm really proud of it. I won't go into the biological details of why I wrote it (unless somebody wants me to), but what it does (for Sam and anybody else who would understand this) is digest two proteins to peptides and output an excel file of all possible pairwise combinations of those peptides and the mass of the two peptides together. It sounds so simple when I can type it in a single sentence, but I promise, it was harder than it sounds.

Anyway, it's been fun. Lance just passed his prelim, so it's time to go congratulate him.

Bachelor Skills

2011-02-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

I'm pathetic.

When Kate and I got into our new ward, she was immediately called into Young Women's (for any of my readers who are not LDS, she was asked to help teach Sunday School to the teenage girls, as well as be there to support and help them). One of her responsibilities is showing up at the youth activities at church on Wednesdays. Last night was the first of those.

I came home from work and found no leftovers in the fridge (which is strange for us). I stared at the fridge for a few minutes, and gave up. I turned around and stared at the pantry for a few minutes. Nothing. I looked in the freezer with similar luck. I couldn't see anything that could readily be turned into food. I thought about it for a while, then gave up and made mac and cheese.

Some of you probably don't realize what that means. I pride myself on my cooking abilities. When I make pizza, I make the sauce from fresh tomatoes and the crust from scratch. I don't just make hamburgers, I make pork and chorizo burgers with a recipe I found from Emeril. Bam. I'm already excited for my Thanksgiving turkey because it means I get to buy a broiler pan. And a few weeks of having dinner ready when I came home has turned me into a helpless child.

So, I guess my bachelor skills are fading. I really should cook more.

What's it like

2011-01-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, here I am. The wedding-posting frenzy is over, and I feel like there's not much exciting to post about. But I am trying to be better about posting more frequent, shorter updates.

Kate and I have been married for a little over a month now, and everybody always asks me how it is. I never know quite how to answer that one. Truth be told, it's a lot like it was before I was married. I still sleep away a third of my day, I still am at work for about 11 hours every day (including the commute), I still come home and watch movies with Kate (although now we are actually watching them together instead of over gChat). Not much in my every day life has changed.

Any of my married readers feel the same way when you got married? Is there a good response to that question?

Wedding posts

2011-01-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

So, I finally sat down and wrote out all the story from the wedding and receptions and all that. I wrote them in reverse chronological order, so that when you are looking at them here on the blog, they are actually in order top to bottom. Unless you are reading this way later in the archives. Don't blame me- blame blogger. It was their idea to make the most recent posts show up at the top.

Anyway, just thought I should give a heads up that these posts might seem out of order.

Wedding, receptions, and an awesome mustache.

2011-01-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

Let's do the timewarp again!

This should (should) be my last retroactive post. Soon the time space continuum will be back in order. The Doctor can rest easy.

So, Monday night, December 20th, was the day before the wedding. There was the Big Family Dinner thing. I guess it's still called a rehearsal dinner, even if there's no rehearsing going on? I dunno. We had Chinese food from Dad's favorite place. I love it too, but we had it due to a funny miscommunication. Kate's Mom and my Mom were having lunch together a few months ago, and talking about all the weddingy plans that had to be made. Laura asked Mom what she wanted to do for the rehearsal dinner, and Mom joked "well, David would pick Grand Buffet, of course." The David there is Dad, who eats at Grand Buffet approximately 10 days a week. Laura missed the joke, thinking that Mom meant that I would pick Grand Buffet, and so she started planning on that. In another conversation, Mom brought up the question again, and Laura said "David wants Grand Buffet," so Mom got the idea from Laura who got it from Mom, and both of them thought it came from me. I feel like I'm watching Inception again...

The dinner was good, and we all had a good time. Kids ran around screaming, in-law-in-laws met (I wish there were a word for that relationship), and Chinese food was delicious.

The next morning, Kate came over to drive to Houston with me. Yes, I saw her the morning of the wedding. When she walked in the room, nieces and nephews were running around, and nieces were trying on flower-wreaths (is there a name for that? Flowers for their hair?). Mom saw Kate and said "Who is that beautiful girl!?" At this moment, Olivia was trying on her flowers and thought she looked beautiful, so she declared to her grandmother that she herself was that beautiful girl. "Olivia!"

The wedding itself was simple, as Mormon weddings tend to be. The ceremony was very simple, followed by a bit of advice from the man performing the ordinance. He only told us to remember the covenants we had made today, both those we made with each other and with the Lord. After, we took lots of pictures. Kate's brother-in-law Josh had said he wouldn't take pictures so we found another photographer. Josh decided that he would take pictures too, so we had two photographers and lots and lots of pictures. One of these days I'll get them sorted through and post some here. Or maybe not. Who can say.

After the pictures, Kate and I went to eat together at a sushi place in Huntsville. It was pretty darn good. Then came the reception. It was not nearly as bad as people say. We didn't have a formal line, just Kate and me standing in the middle of the room and people came and talked to us. I feel like there's not much to tell about this. Maybe when I post pictures there'll be more stories and stuff.

After the wedding and the party and all that, Kate and I drove to Madisonville where we were staying at a bed and breakfast. We had called them earlier in the day and mentioned that we were going to be getting in late, and they told us not to worry, that the key would be in our door if nobody was there to greet us. I remembered from the website that some rooms opened directly to the outside of the building (onto a big porch) and some opened to the inside, but I couldn't remember which we had. I just sort of assumed that ours opened to the outside.

When we got there, the place was locked. I could see the front desk through the windows, and nobody was there. It was late, we were tired, and we were locked out. Kate sat in her dress with her bags on a bench on the porch while I walked around the building trying to find a way in. Eventually I found a couple around back who had stepped out to sit on the porch and drink some coffee. The husband was named Sydney (I think) and really looked the part of a good old gentleman from Texas. Bolo tie, cowboy hat, and mustache. He let us in the building, and even carried Kate's bag. What a guy.

When we got inside, there was our key sitting in our door as promised. I appreciate their help leaving the key there, but I kind of wish they had told us "you can get into your room, but good luck getting into the building, suckers!"

The next day, we drove to Daingerfield for another reception. More of the same, but less formal. Kate hung out with her friends and I sort of wandered around trying not to look too lost. And that's about it.

Honeymoon part II

2011-01-17T17:20:00.002-08:00

Did anybody see the Operation Condor movies? Jackie Chan put out a movie called Operation Condor part II, with no part I. It worked out so well that he continued the story in part I later. Since I am doing this bit of blog in a weird time-warpy place, this'll be like that. I'll post part I first, then this one (part II), but just keep reading in reverse chronology like the last few (or next few... man this is confusing).

So, we've done the drive up to Michigan and the first few days here. Time to step back to the honeymoon. I promise that this post will be g-rated. The raunchy details can be found at Kate's blog (probably). I can also promise that it will be fun and no too lovey-dovey. I'm no Kyrie, after all.

Warning: this post will be really, really long.

After the Daingerfield reception (more details on that in the next post, which I haven't written yet), we drove to Dallas to stay at the Red Roof Inn (I know, I know, I'm the classiest guy around. You don't have to tell me). In my defense, it was close to the airport so we wouldn't have to get up too early the next morning.

The next day (Thursday), we went to the airport to fly to Cancun. When we got there, we had some trouble checking in at the kiosks, so somebody had to help us. Kate checked in with no problems and was in boarding group 2. When they figured out my stuff, I was in group 3 or 4. Then they noticed that we weren't sitting next to each other, and changed both of our tickets to get us together. Then we looked at our new tickets: we were both in boarding group 5. I don't know how, but I always end up in group 5 (the last group to board the plane). Somehow, the Airline Gods decided that if anybody's carryon gets checked, it should be mine.

Anyway, we were there and through security with plenty of time to spare (thanks for the genes, Dad!), so we had breakfast at the airport and sat around talking about the Wheel of Time. Yeah, we're that nerdy. The time came to board, and we watched as group one boarded, and group two, and so on. As they all got on, the group standing around got smaller and smaller. Group four boarded, and there was a long pause with only me and Kate still there before they called for group 5. We were the only people in group 5. I seriously don't know how this always happens to me.

The flight was good and pretty uneventful. It was empty enough that the seat next to Kate was empty, so she got to lie down and put her head in my lap for a head scratch. When we landed in Cancun, customs was quick (I guess nobody tries to smuggle stuff into Mexico from the US), and we found a taxi to Puerto Morelos where we were staying. The taxi driver had no idea where Rancho Sak-Ol was, but said to trust him and he would figure it out. He got directions from another driver (in Spanish) and the exchange went something like this:

"You know where this place is?"
"Rancho? Nah."
"No?"
"Not really. Just go to Puerto Morelos and ask somebody there."

These two kept looking at us the whole conversation, trying to decide if we understood them. I did, and I think Kate had an idea, if not all the details. So, Gustavo drove us to Puerto Morelos and casually asked somebody there where our hotel was. Partway through the drive I realized that he was using his hazard lights instead of turn signals. It did not inspire confidence.

We eventually got to Rancho Sak-Ol (which I will just call "the hotel" or "Rancho" because I'm too lazy to keep typing Sak-Ol). It was beautiful, and exactly as advertised (which is not always the way these things work). We went to our room and the towels were folded on the bed in the shape of a swan.

That's right. A swan.

So, it was really, really pretty. It was right on the beach, and the people there were super nice. After walking around on the beach, we decided it was about time to head to town to find some food. It was getting dark, and we wanted to get to town and eat and get back before it was too late.

We asked some people at the hotel how to get to town, and they said it was super easy. Just walk along the beach for a bit, turn off the beach onto a road. Take the first right from that road and follow it straight into town. Simple. We walked along the beach to the road, and saw our first right. It was a kind of scary, dark alley. A few yards past it was another right, that looked like the entrance to a construction site. We decided that they really meant the first right and took the alley.

We walked that alley for a few hundred yards, not super far, and walked right into a restaurant we had seen from the beach earlier. We told them we didn't have any cash, and they told us they didn't accept credit cards. I gave the guy a kind of weak "well, we'll find our way into town and get cash at the ATM and maybe come back tomorrow night." He went to get another guy who spoke English (Latins have a strange disease that causes them to hear all white people speaking English even when some of us speak Spanish just fine). That guy was Carlos.

Carlos was possibly the friendliest person I have ever met. He heard we were newlyweds and gave me a hug and kept congratulating me. Super-nice. He told us to just sit down and eat, and that he could give us directions to the ATM after dinner so we could pick up cash to pay him. He clearly was just happy to have customers, as the whole restaurant was empty.

The restaurant had a very interesting layout. There was no real theme or central organizing factor. The kitchen had a little bar-type window, with a couple fancy-looking couches and a weird-shaped coffee table. Like a classy coffee shop or something. Next to those was a little pergola with a table in the middle and a reclining bench looking out over the beach. Down half a dozen stairs on the beach was another similar pergola. There was a hot tub, and 4 or 5 more tables that didn't match. But with all this random stuff, it didn't seem messy or weird. It felt more like an eclectic collection of settings.

We sat down at the pergola and Carlos started telling us about the restaurant. He had a chef who used to be a famous Mexican movie star, and following his career in movies, he traveled to Tibet to learn how to "cook with the weather," which means tailor the menu to what the body needs depending on the heat, humidity, etc. Apparently you need more protein on dry days or something like that.

Carlos brought us some chips and salsa (which was made from 3 different peppers and 2 herbs harvested from the jungle), and offered us the local drink called Mayan Secret, which is booze with some sort of aphrodisiac properties. We politely declined and asked for some Pina Coladas sans alcohol.

As the night went on, the stories got more and more ridiculous. The mole took two days to cook, the seafood had been cooked underground in a clay pot, etc. He brought us a new salsa (this one was made with 2 peppers and 3 herbs, all of which were harvested fresh in the jungle). I'll have to come back some time to tell all the tall tales Carlos told, but I think you get the idea. The point is we really enjoyed our time there. He was chatty and fun, but left us alone enough that we didn't feel smothered.

At the end, he brought us some home made bread, on the house. Like everything else, it was fantastic. Remember, dear readers, that we had not paid at this point, and had no idea how much this evening was going to cost us (there were no menus, just the two dishes the famous cook made for us). Carlos had a little golf cart, and his wife was headed into town to take their son to a park, so he suggested that we hitch a ride with her, drive around town a bit, then just bring the cart back whenever we were ready to pay.

And that we did. We rode into town with his wife, whose name I can't remember right now, and she was charming to talk to. She pointed out the swamp right next to the road and said "sometimes crocodiles come out of there" as if she were saying "and here we have a tree with green leaves." No big deal. Just crocodiles.

We got to town, got cash, drove back, paid Carlos, and went back to the hotel. All in all, we had spent probably 3 hours at Carlos' place, just enjoying the company.

And now, this post is way too long, so I am going to break it into two.

Honeymoon

2011-01-17T17:20:00.001-08:00

So, honeymoon. This is the second half of my honeymoon, followed by part II, which is (of course) the first part. Clear?

The next day was Christmas eve. Kate and I woke up and ate breakfast. Rancho has an open kitchen for breakfast, where they provide eggs, bread for toast, fruit, etc, but you have to cook it all. It was kind of fun. Kate and I ate, then went out on the balcony to play Yahtzee. That's right. We were on our honeymoon, on the beach in Mexico, playing Yahtzee. It was awesome.

We wandered the beach looking for cool shells to take back to the nieces and nephews (only to realize when we got home that they had all gone already...so we gave them all to the one set that lives in Texas), waded into the ocean, and in general had a great time. Maybe Kate can give more details on this, but mostly we relaxed.

That evening, Christmas Eve, we knew that Carlos was having a big party at the restaurant starting at 5. Lobster and all that. We figured we didn't want something so big, but we could definitely go for some drinks and chatting with Carlos again, so we went by about 8 hoping to miss the dinner but catch the party. When we got there, Raul, the cook, walked out of the kitchen. And boy, was he drunk. Very nice, but unmistakably drunk. No one else was there. Raul said that Carlos was in the city grabbing some supplies for the Christmas Eve dinner (that was supposed to have started already), so we figured he wouldn't be long.

So, we talked to Raul for a while. Where to even start? Kate went to the bathroom, leaving me alone with Raul, who offered me a Pina Colada. I accepted, and he invited me into the kitchen to talk with him while he made the drinks. It became pretty clear to me pretty fast that Raul had no idea how to make them. He said "So...Pina Colada...that's got coconut and pineapple, right? And ice?" I said yes, and he grabbed some pineapple juice, some coconut something, and some ice, and threw them in a blender.

We talked while he poured and mixed about his past (he repeated himself quite a bit, being extremely drunk and all). After retiring from the movies, he learned to cook from Jorge de la Silva, who had traveled to Japan to learn to cook with the weather (note that this is not the same story that Carlos told us the night before). Later the story changed yet again, and became even more incredible.

You see, a Japanese fighter pilot was shot down over Pearl Harbor, and swam back to Japan (I feel the need to put "seriously" after pretty much every sentence, so just insert it yourself- I promise this is exactly what he told me). When he (the pilot) got there, none of the doctors could treat his condition, so he went to China, where he was taught by a monk (I think) to treat his body with food. Proper eating apparently did more for shrapnel and bullet holes than medicine and stitches. So, somehow Jorge de la Silva found this ex-pilot and studied under him, and eventually came back to Mexico where he taught Raul.

Raul continued to tell crazy, incoherent, and very entertaining stories. Often these stories included his good friend, George of the Jungle. Again, I kid you not. We stayed there partly because the stories were so insane and entertaining that we couldn't leave, and partly because we couldn't leave this drunk, crazy person alone with a restaurant's stock of booze. Eventually, a van pulled up, and we were kind of glad that Carlos was there so we could wish him a merry Christmas, pass off custody of Raul, and go home.

But what's this? It wasn't Carlos at all! It was some white dude. He ran up to Raul, and they started rough-housing. Eventually it became clear that this man was George of the Jungle. He was some white hippy with a fanny-pack. Then came a stranger revelation. George of the Jungle. Jorge de la Silva. This was the same guy. This was the guy who went to Japan (or China or Tibet, depending on which rendition of the story) to learn to cook with the weather.

So, we started talking to Jorge. More like I started talking to Jorge while Raul continued to talk at Kate. When she had trouble understanding, he tried speaking English to her. But the problem was alcohol related, not language related, so it didn't help. Jorge loved the fact that I'm a scientist, and started telling me about his playmate-ex-girlfriend who got cancer, causing him to go on a journey of spiritual enlightenment or something. It was crazy. After a while of trying to talk to him rationally, I just started talking crazy right back at him and he loved it. He had clearly smoked some pot that day, and it was definitely influencing his thought process.

After a while, Raul started thinking about the hour of judgment, when Carlos would come back from the city (which we realized was Cancun, not the town) and find the bottle of Tequila mostly empty. So, he decided to go to town to buy another bottle. He got on his bike and started riding to town. After half a bottle of tequila. I was amazed that he made it out of the restaurant, but he did. About 15 minutes later, he came back and said he had only made it 100 feet up the alley before deciding to come back. After almost crashing into the table where we were sitting, he gave up on the bike. He had a much better idea. He hopped in the golf cart and drove to town.

This left Kate and me alone with Jorge. Jorge of the Jungle. I can't come close to portraying how crazy and entertaining it was to talk to this guy. He talked a lot about energy and auras and all that crap we associate with crazy people. We talked about science and cancer and what it means to be alive. He told us that he lives in a hut in the jungle and gives tours of Mayan ruins and teaches people to respect nature. And talk to animals.

Meeting Jorge was amazing, because some of the stories that Carlos and Raul told were starting to be corroborated. He lived in the jungle and harvested the spices and peppers for the salsa. He really did probably learn to cook from a shaman or a monk or whatever. It was all falling in to place.

Raul came back from town safely with a new bottle of tequila, a bottle of red wine (for Jorge to drink while he smoked some more pot), and two loaves of bread. The same bread that he "made" us the night before. After all the crazy stories they told, that one was the lie: that they made their own bread.

The conversation got crazier as Jorge turned to a long, drawn out allegory about the first organism to achieve self awareness. The allegory went on for a very long time, but never really went anywhere. Eventually the organism evolved into a dragon and something happened. It's hard to remember since it made no sense.

Then Carlos came home. There was a look of terror on his face when he saw Jorge talking to customers. The terror quickly turned to a resigned sadness, then quickly back to his old smiley self. I think it's like walking in to find the girl you have a crush on looking through your baby pictures with your mom. At first you're terrified, but then you say "meh, if she's still sitting there, that's got to mean something good." Carlos realized that if we hadn't left yet, we probably wouldn't get chased off. He went to the kitchen (and yelled at Raul for not starting the dinner yet), and came out eventually with two Mayan Secrets on the house for me and Kate. I explained that we don't drink alcohol, and he responded that this didn't have alcohol- only liquor. I again explained that we don't drink alcohol, and he said that it was made with fermented fruit juice. I finally explained that we didn't drink alcohol for religious reasons and he let it go. Such a nice guy not to take no for an answer.

Anyway, this is turning into the Carlos post. I'll end the story with one more moment of crazy. When we finally got to go, Jorge followed us down the stairs to the beach. He grabbed our hands and said some weird hippie prayer to Gaia or something and married us (I think).

It looks like I'll have to break this into three posts. See you in the next/previous one!

Honeymoon part 0

2011-01-17T17:20:00.000-08:00

So, that was Christmas Eve. I promise that the rest of these will be shorter. Heck, why am I apologizing? If you're bored, go somewhere else.

The snow of Christmas morn fell like...wait a minute, we were on the beach. Scratch the snow thing.

We went to a nearby underground lake called a Cenote (which, I think is "sinkhole" in Spanish). We got a ride (since we didn't have a car there) with a couple of gay French tourists. I don't say gay just because they were French. George and Pascal were traveling in Mexico and were staying at our hotel. We went out to the Cenote and swam around for a while. It was really nice. The water was clear down as far as you could see, which was pretty far. It was kind of creepy, if you let it be. George and Pascal were very nice and very fun to be with. We swam around the Cenote for the better part of an hour.

From there we went to a different hotel. The parent company that owned Rancho was opening up another hotel in the middle of the jungle, and as a sort of publicity thing they took everybody who was staying at Rancho out there for a lunch and a tour. The hotel was very nice. Only 8 rooms, one of which was occupied by the staff. There was no internet, no cell reception, and no access to the land line except for staff use. It was very quiet (and intentionally so). They didn't even allow children to stay there.

Kate and I, being weird, thought the place would be the ideal setting for a slasher film. I mean, honestly, it's a small hotel in the middle of the jungle with only one road leading there, you can't use phones, and they lock you in at night (because it's in the middle of the jungle and it's not safe to go out). So we started sketching out a scary story filled with the people we had met set at that hotel. Maybe one day we'll get around to filling in more details and Kate will write it.

When we got back to our hotel, it was close to dinner time, so we wandered into town and went to a seafood restaurant. The waiter was really nice and attentive, mostly because it was raining and it was Christmas, so he didn't have much else to do. He (like everybody else in this place) talked lots about Mayans and all that. When he came out with Kate's Coke, he walked it out on top of his head. Dude must have been to finishing school.

The next day, Kate and I woke up early to watch the sunrise. Yes, I know it's lame. We get to do at least one lame romanticy thing on our honeymoon. Anyway, it was beautiful. Sunrise on the water is very nice.

After that, Kate went back to bed for a bit. I went down to the common room to grab something, and when I left, the door slammed on my foot and broke my pinky toe. I didn't go to the hospital or anything, because there's not much they can do, but I did go to bed to complain to my wife.

Later that day we went into town, walking slowly because of my foot. I guess I haven't even talked about the town much so this is as good a place as any to do that. It was a simple little place with a main square and not much else. In the square was a nice little park for the kids. There was a fountain in one corner that looked like a Mayan pyramid. The square was right next to the beach, so you could see the water. There were lots of restaurants and shops all over, as well as hawkers standing outside the stores trying to get the white people to come in and give them money.

We realized that we hadn't bought any cheap touristy crap, and that's kind of a must when you go on vacation. We wandered around looking, but didn't really see much. It was kind of interesting to see that in all the shops on the main street they sold the same crap (as is to be expected), but then later we found a little way off the main street the actual workshops that made the crap and sold it way cheaper. Weird, that.

In one store, Kate was looking at jewelry. One of the guys there held up an amber necklace and said "real pearls, real pearls!" trying to get Kate to buy it. Clearly, not the brightest. The other guy in the shop said (in Spanish), "dude, that's amber..." to which the first guy replied, "ah, it's all the same to them." Then he saw me snickering and remembered that I had talked to him in Spanish when we walked in. With a guilty look, he said "You speak Spanish, don't you?" Silly kids.

We went into town to a Chinese place called Hello Asia. Before you judge our choice, let me say this: I wanted to see if Mexican Chinese food was the same as American Chinese food, because I know that German Chinese food is different. We were curious. Turns out, it is the same. Good, but the same.

My foot was aching in a way that even ice cream couldn't cure (not that we didn't try), so we decided to head back to the hotel and spend the rest of the day in hammocks on the beach.

The next day was our last in Mexico. We could have spent the morning snorkeling, or touring the town, or any of a number of things, but we just wanted to sit in hammocks and enjoy the last hours of vacation. Right after lunch, our taxi came to take us to the airport. We got there over 2 hours early, and there were huge lines to check in. The bad weather in the Northeast US was making everybody's day miserable. Kate and I accidentally got into the (unlabeled) "people trying to fly to the Northeast whose flights got screwed up and will take forever to help" line, but we eventually got to the right place. It took an hour and a half to get us checked in.

We ran through security (which was slowed by a bag check where we were informed that chocolate is a liquid and cannot be taken through), and made it to our flight. Somehow we managed to get in the last boarding group again and not to be sitting together again. The nice folks next to us let us switch seats, and all ended well. On the plane my toe was hurting pretty bad, so I asked the flight attendant for a plastic bag full of ice, thinking I would get a small zip-lock size bag. She came back with a huge, shopping-tote sized bag full of ice. I was very thankful, as it lasted till I got to Huntsville.

Customs in America took like an hour (I don't remember how long). We just stood in the line, moving our two bags and huge bag of ice (which I kept on my foot most of the time- nobody told me that it is only beneficial for 10 minutes at a time). Eventually we got through, and out of the airport. The Hotel shuttle (we parked at the hotel) took forever as well, because the driver didn't want to leave anyone out in the cold. He packed 15 people into a 12 person van (with 12 seatbelts...) and we got back to the truck, and on the road.

We stopped at Whataburger because, let's be honest, we'll miss it while we're here in Michigan, then headed to Huntsville.

Honeymoon over.

The drive

2011-01-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

My last post was about Monday and Tuesday, so for this one we're going back in time to Sunday. It's a weak excuse for a Back to the Future reference, but I'll take it.

So, Sunday morning very early Kate and I left Texas for the long drive to Michigan. We had the truck packed and tarped, so everything was ready. We woke up at 1:30 in the morning and were on the road at 2:01. For those of you who don't know, that's early.

Kate took the first shift and drove till the sun came up. Then I drove till lunch or so, and Kate took another turn, and we alternated till we got to Michigan. We made the whole trip in a little over 16 hours. Not bad. The weather was good, and the only complaint was that police enforce the speed limit in Illinois. Seriously. No tickets this time. We did see lots of people get pulled over, though, so we kept the cruise control carefully set at 65.

When we got to our apartment, we spent half an hour unloading the truck and were about ready to call it a night. I was beat, Kate was beat, so we ordered a pizza and ate sitting on the floor (because the kitchen table had boxes on it).

This was when I learned that I had, in fact, married a woman. You see, I was tired and felt gross from a day in the car, so I decided to take a shower. I grabbed a towel that we had been given and headed for the shower. It was a very nice towel, soft, white, and monogrammed. Kate saw me and said "You can't use that towel, it's white." To me, that's like saying "You can't use that rectangle, it's a square." You see, to men, towels serve one purpose. They absorb water from wet things like bodies after a shower. White towels are a subset of towels, so by definition they are towels. Therefore, white towels serve one purpose: drying wet things.

It turns out that white towels (especially monogrammed white towels) are for display. To look pretty. So, I dug through some boxes to find a blue towel and took a shower. I guess Kate has some work to do teaching me what's what.

First day of work

2011-01-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

Well, friends, for those of you who don't know, I recently got married. More on that to come (I haven't written anything about it because I've been pretty busy with finals then getting married then driving from Texas to Michigan, then starting a new lab...lots to do).

So, Kate and I spent most of Monday settling in to our new place. There was lots to do. The AT&T guy came to help us hook up our internet and took forever. I'm pretty sure he made another service call in the middle of helping us. He was there at our apartment, sort of in and out a few times to the truck to get tools or whatever, then he left. Didn't say anything, didn't ask if we were planning on being there for the next hour, just left. The only way we knew he wasn't done was that he left some tools on our living room floor. An hour later, he came back and went back to work without saying anything about having been gone.

Then, when he left after several hours, he informed us that we were ready to install our internet. I was a bit confused because I thought that was what he had been doing, but he kindly informed me that we were self-install customers, and that he was just making sure that the phone lines were ready for us to do the installation ourselves. So, that was weird.

By the time he left it was after 2PM, so I just decided to stick around the apartment and help Kate unpack stuff and organize. There's a lot of that to do, it turns out. The next day I went to work in Lyle's lab, which is being pretty fun so far. I'll probably talk more about that once I get caught up on past events.

On Tuesday I came home from work on the bus, and it was cold. I was tired. And when I walked in the house, Kate said those three simple words every man longs to hear. "Dinner is ready." It was beautiful. She had thrown some meat and stuff in the slow cooker and we had it over rice. Simple for her, wonderful for me. I truly have a great wife.

Back from the dead

2011-01-09T06:51:00.000-08:00

No, not in the way you're thinking.

More like I'm just less busy now and am going to blog the last month or so of my life in reverse chronological order. It'll be kind of like watching Citizen Kane, except that I've never seen it so I don't know if that holds.

Anyway, enjoy!

Jews are awesome

2010-11-09T11:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I could really leave this one right here and get the basic message across. Jews are, in fact, awesome. But some people keep asking for more ~~cowbell~~ details about my life, so here we go.

Last Wednesday, I went to get a free bagel at the Alumni Center. Just one of the many perks of being a student. Every week, they have free bagels and some student group is there handing out their recruitment propaganda. Last week, the student group was Hillel, the umbrella organization for Jewish student groups on campus.

So, being a wannajew, I stopped to talk to them. They were really nice. They gave me a fridge magnet that says "גו בלו", which is "Go Blue!" transliterated (not translated) into Hebrew. It's kinda fun. I turned down several Silly Bands (apparently something the kids are doing these days) shaped like Stars of David and letters in the Hebrew alphabet. But the best thing they gave me was the number of the Jewish Penicillin Hotline. This is a group of students who will bring any sick student matzo ball soup for free. Just to help out their fellow man.

You see, it says in the Talmud that "a sick person should know that he or she isn't left to suffer alone." And simple as that, the students want to make sure that any sick person knows that they have a friend. Jew or Gentile, they just want to do that kind of service for anybody who is suffering. And that's why Jews are awesome.

Politics

2010-11-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

Does anybody enjoy political talk TV? My roomie is watching Keith Olberman right now and I realized something: I hate them all. Beck, Olberman, even Jon Stewart who I used to really like. They're all insufferable tool bags. The shows involve a lot of really smug bragging about everything that the other party does wrong, lots of complaining about things that don't go their way, and videos and sound bytes that make the other guy look dumb. So annoying.

I'm not going anywhere with this. I'm just sayin, is all.

The other thing about Cell Biology

2010-11-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

My faithful readers will remember last week when I posted about my cell biology class. Everyone else can scroll down to last week and pretend to be a faithful reader if they want. No judgment here.

Well, it seems that I am not the only one complaining about the class. Yesterday, the professor (the "head professor", so the one who wrote this last test we took) came to class and said that she's been getting lots of negative feedback. She then explained that we were all dumb and need to work harder. She told us that this class is a graduate level class, and is all about critical thinking not just regurgitation like we are used to, and that can cause some students to struggle. But the solution is for us, the students, to buck up and work harder.

This made me think about two things. First, when you argue, there are the buzzwords you use and there is your actual argument. These two do not have to be related. You may notice that my criticism of her class was "in grad school we should be thinking critically not regurgitating, therefore you are a bad teacher," and that her defense was "in grad school, you should be thinking critically not regurgitating, therefore you are all lazy and dumb." We both think that those particular words- critical thinking and all that- back up our particular position. Of course, I am right.

The second thing is something that really bothers me. That is that the problem is always someone else's fault. I would have been happy with a compromise of "hey, guys, I could have worded my questions better, but you still need to put more time into this class. I'll try to be clearer about what I want if you will try to do better work." Some sort of shared blame. But there was no sharing. She said "You are complaining about my test, therefore you are all dumb." Nothing wrong with the test.

Anyway, I thought I should follow up on that previous post. I just have to make it through another few weeks of the class, and then I'll get to complain about something else.

Lenny

2010-11-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, after years of homeopathic medicine, I had to take Lenny to a real doctor yesterday. It seems he had a leaky gasket that I would have really enjoyed fixing myself, but I just don't have the time these days. I think it would have made for some good experience but it would have probably taken me 2 or 3 weeks. And grad school is a busy time. Plus, it's cold outside.

So, I went to a mechanic that I think I'm going to like. The place is right up the block from my house (by the bus stop I used to use, so it's an easy walk) and very quick. I took Lenny to him on Monday morning before work, and by Monday evening he was done.

I'm hoping that this is the end of Lenny's problems. He's a good car, he just breaks down a lot. It's not his fault.

What bothers me about Cell Biology

2010-10-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, I said I'd keep in better touch and do a better job of updating my blog. And one easy way to write a post is to complain about something. So, here I go!

Right now, I am in a cell biology class. As a graduate student, most of my time is dedicated to research, but I have to take 3 or 4 classes. That's OK, because graduate school classes aren't like undergrad classes- they're more about critical thinking and learning than they are about regurgitation and mind reading. Or at least, they should be.

Enter cell bio. This class feels like they took an undergraduate cell biology class and said "how can we make this harder, so it's a graduate level class, but not change our lectures at all?" Some of the ideas they came up with were kind of remarkable.

One way they make the class harder is to have it team-taught. That means that we have a new professor every couple of weeks. So, if there is a problem with the course, we can go to the professor who is currently teaching who will say "look, I've only got a lecture or two left, let's just tough it out," or the previous one who will say "I'm not involved in that course any more, sorry!" or the head professor who will say "you know, I only supervise and don't have any real power over problem X. You should talk to someone else." I've heard each of those, either directly from the professor or from another student who tried to get help. So, that's frustrating.

Another way they make my life difficult is by asking terrible questions. This is one of my big pet peeves, and I work hard to ask good questions when I teach. The bad questions come in two types: The Fish and The Detail Guess.

The Fish is where you ask a very vague question with a very specific answer in mind. Like "What makes Hitler a bad person?" "No, it's not what he did to Poland. No, I don't mean killing the Jews. No, not abuse of power and manipulating people. That's right, I was looking for 'Killing Gypsies.' Hitler was bad because he killed Gypsies."

The Detail Guess is where you ask a broad question, and want a very specific amount of detail. "What do you do when company comes over?" You can answer this question saying "I would vacuum my living room." Then, if they want more detail, they say "Where did you get the vacuum? Do you use electricity to vacuum? Do you move the furnature or just vacuum around it?" But if they want less detail they say "all I wanted was "clean up the house." The key elements of the information guess are one, they penalise you for giving the wrong level of detail (either too much or too little) and two, they make no attempt at telling you how much detail they wanted.

Anyway, I'm frustrated with the class, as you can tell. Will I survive? Yes. Will I be sending any of the TA's a Christmas card? Probably not.

Bored

2010-10-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

So, here I am, sitting in the Maddock lab at UM, avoiding the grant proposal I should be writing. I've checked a couple blogs, I've read the news, and I just can't make myself write the last essay I have to write. I'm out of blogs and other fun things to do.

And if you give a mouse a blog, he'll remember that he hasn't updated his own in a while. Or something like that.

I'm not sure what in my life is exciting enough to update you on. My science is being...less than successful at the moment. I'm writing a big proposal to the NSF to get them to fund me (3 years of solid funding plus a raise...it would be very nice). Kate is doing most of the fun wedding-planny stuff.

Anyway, that's probably enough rambling for now. But for my fans out there, I am still alive. Just been busy. I'll try not to neglect you so much in the future.

Meetings

2010-09-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

Hey, folks. Another rambling post about things nobody cares about. Except me. I care about them a lot.

Today I was thinking about something in church. In my ward, someone gets up every week to announce that if you are new to the ward, the Bishop and "Transition Committee" (a group that helps with new move-ins) would love to meet you, so there will be a brief meeting before Sunday school for all the new people and a few people they should meet (Elders Quorum, Bishop, etc). But this always sounds a bit weird to me. A meeting. I don't know about you, but when I hear "meeting" I picture this.

Or maybe this.

Is there a reason we have to use that word? Especially with people who are new to the church, I feel like our calling everything a meeting (Sacrament meeting, Elders Quorum meeting, and then if you're lucky you have a committee meeting of some sort after church) is kind of strange. Maybe it's just me, but I would feel kind of weird about "let's have a meeting with the transition committee," but I'd be totally OK with "let's meet up" or "let's get together."

Is that weird?

Blank Time

2010-09-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

Time for a rant, friends.

Right now it is 12:03 (it will probably be later by the time this gets posted, but at this exact moment, it is still 12:03). There is a department seminar today at noon. 3 minutes ago. But everyone knows that it doesn't start till 12:15. It is the noon seminar that starts 15 minutes after noon. And then since nobody shows up till 12:15, it doesn't actually get going till 12:20 or 12:30.

Folks around here call this "Michigan Time." One of my classes starts at "10:00 AM," which of course means 10:15. It is just understood that things are supposed to start late, and if you actually want things to start on time you have to make a huge deal about it. Like last week when we were taking a bus out to a departmental retreat. The bus was leaving at 10:00, which was not on Michigan Time (the departmental email actually said that).

This has made me think lately. I am (spoiler ahead!) a Mormon. We, as a people, have the bad habit of being late to things. So much so that some of us use the term "Mormon Standard Time" to mean 15-20 minutes late. When I worked at JCVI, formerly TIGR (said "Tiger"), everyone talked about "TIGR time" meaning 20-30 minutes late. When I was a missionary to the Spanish-speakers in Orange County, people talked about "Latin Time."

It seems to me that this is a ubiquitous problem that every group of people wants to claim as their own. We all want to say "I'm late because I'm at UM" or "I'm late because I'm Mormon" and never "I'm late because I'm bad at managing my time."

So, have any of you seen this? Do any of you belong to some group that is late because of Group Name Time?

Brandon Sanderson

2010-09-08T16:30:00.000-07:00

So, for the information of anyone who doesn't know this yet, I'm a huge nerd. I can admit it. Brandon Sanderson, one of my favorite authors, recently put out a nerdy book.

I went back and forth over and over about whether or not I wanted to get a numbered autographed copy on opening night. I finally decided not to, partly because I missed the pre-order deadline. Then I get a call from my old roommate Travis the day before the book came out. Travis accidentally pre-ordered two copies. I said I would buy one of them off of him. So Travis asked me what I wanted the personalization to say, since he would be going to get it from Brandon that night and could have anything I wanted written in the front. I didn't really care so I just told Travis to make it something "cool and Brandon Sandersony".

A week or two later, yesterday, I get the book in the mail. When I opened it up, I saw the autographed title page:

How awesome is that? Travis apparently told Brandon Sanderson that I was getting married soon, so I now have a congratulations on the title page. Maybe that's just cool to me, but I think it's pretty darn cool.

Pie graphs

2010-09-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

I was going to just have this image with no explanation, but I guess I can at least say where it comes from. I was watching a presentation the other day with lots of scientific data presented in pie-graph form, and I couldn't help but think how much I hate pie graphs. That's all.

Cookie dough

2010-09-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, I made cookie dough last night. I am a big fan of chocolate chip cookie dough. A really big fan. I love the stuff, raw eggs and all. But everybody says it's bad for you to eat raw eggs. So every year or so when I am making cookie dough, I think "I should look for a recipe that doesn't have eggs." And I do. And I'm always disappointed. I made this one last night. Does anybody have a good one? Anybody? I'm probably going to stick with eggs for a while, but I'd love to hear if anybody has a better idea.

Final Beard Post

2010-09-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, all good things must come to an end. My beard came to an end a couple weeks ago, but I never got around to posting the pictures. Maybe I was just sad to see it go. The last few stages were less fun than the early ones, therefore I took fewer pictures of them, and can fit them all into one post.

First, I wanted sort of pointy sideburns.

Then I wanted REALLY pointy sideburns, so I went with the ramps.

And finally, just for the sake of tradition, I went with a creepy mustache.

Webcam app

2010-08-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

Does anybody know a good program for taking pictures with a webcam? Taking those beard pictures was a hassle. I used Cameroid, which is a piece of junk. Any tips?

More beard

2010-08-29T06:46:00.000-07:00

Well, now that I've posted something else, time for more beard pictures.

This stage was fun. So fun that I'm posting loads of pictures of it. There are way more but I won't subject you to them, dear readers.

The Other Guys

2010-08-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems that by advertising my blog on my Facebook page I have gained some new readers. Just so those readers don't think that all I do is talk about my beard, I should probably have a post or two about something else before I get back to beard pictures (which are coming soon).

For my new readers, I should inform you that I really like movies. I also really like to talk about movies. It's like having an interesting life of your own to talk about. Almost.

So, yesterday Kate and I went to see The Other Guys in the theater. We were both expecting a summer seat-filler type movie. It's got Marky Mark, so I expected him to be kind of clever and funny. It's got Will Ferrell, so I expected some incoherent monotone yelling. I sort of got those, but it was actually really really funny.

The movie pokes fun at some common movie cliches, like explosions only being dangerous if you are in them (ignoring the flying glass and shrapnel as well as the concussive force), the good guys being invincible, main characters all being unrealistically attractive, etc. But they don't go so far into poking fun that they become just a parody like those stupid Scary Movie movies.

Anyway, surprisingly good movie that I'm actually thinking of buying when it comes out. That's how good we're talking. The last movie I bought was Lone Star State of Mind, and that was three or four years ago. I don't want to over-hype it, because I think one of the things that made it great was that it exceeded my low expectations, but you should check it out if you want a fun weekend movie.