Friday, July 31, 2009

Police

Just a quick thought. Lately I've read a lot of news about racist police and whatnot. I think this is distracting us from the real issue that police should be focusing on. Anybody with me?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Liechtenstein

From the Onion:

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

GI Joe

I just watched a trailer for GI Joe. It makes me sad. I'll tell you why after the video.




So, my big problem is that it doesn't feel like GI Joe. It feels like the director watched Iron Man and said "man, I wish they had asked me to do that movie. That would have been awesome."

The giant mech suits? The dude falling out of the truck? Seriously? The following things really bother me about this preview (and of course the movie it represents):

1) The bad Crazy Train cover. Bad cover, Hammer. Very bad.
2) The magic mech suits. Whaaaat?
3) If you look closely, Snake Eyes isn't wearing a mask...just lots of black make up. Seriously. Watch the trailer again- I'll wait right here. I guess since they put everybody else in skintight leather, they had to do something to make Snake Eyes stand out. But skintight skin? Come on.
4) Marlon Wayans.

Despite all this, there may be a few things that could save this movie.

1) GI Joe is awesome. This offers me some hope, but admittedly little, given what happened to Transformers.
2) There are a lot of actors I like in this. Mr. Eko (The link is to the whole episode, but you only need the first 20 seconds or so to bask in Eko's glory), The Invisible Doctor, and even Sienna Miller, although I'm not sure how she'll do as the Baroness.
3) Ray Park is Snake Eyes, so maybe we'll get some cool fights. I mean, he played Chuck Norris in a movie...that's pretty awesome.

So, I think I'll see it, but probably only at the dollar theater. It really doesn't look like it's worth 8 bucks.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Flat Earth

Hello, friends. Or whoever is reading this. Enemies. Spies. Super models looking for a date. Whatever.

My brother John and I were talking yesterday about the Flat Earth Society- people who believe that the Earth is not round, as most people seem to think, but a huge disc. I would really like to meet a flat-earther some time, just to ask some basic physics questions. Here is my big one.

In order for a flat earth to exist and not collapse in on itself, there must be no such thing as gravity. To give us the illusion of gravity, the earth disc must be accelerating through space at 9.8 meters per second squared (the acceleration of a falling object due to gravity). These are not my assumptions, but theirs. My question is how these assumptions are possible when put in context. Let's look at some numbers.

Because the idea of a flat earth comes from a strict interpretation of the bible, we will take a very conservative estimate for the age of the earth: 6000 years. That means the earth is:

6000 x 365 or 2,190,000 days old

2,190,000 x 24 or 52,560,000 hours old

52,560,000 x 60 x 60 or 189,216,000,000 seconds old

Because the earth is claimed to be accelerating "upwards" at 9.8 meters per second squared, that means that at this very moment, the earth is traveling at a speed of:

189,216,000,000 x 9.8 or 1,854,316,800,000 meters per second

1,854,316,800,000 x 2.23693629 or 4,147,988,543,077 miles per hour

Because the speed of light is fixed at 299,792,458 meters per second, the earth would currently be traveling at:

1,854,316,800,000 / 299,792,458 or just over six thousand times the speed of light.

Let me repeat that. Flat earth theory, plus some simple arithmetic, states that the earth is currently traveling at 6000 times the speed of light. The speed that nothing can surpass. Using some of the same math (I won't put it in) we find that it would take the earth disc just barely over a thousand years to hit light speed. Which means that somewhere between Adam (ca 4000 BC) and Noah (ca. 2300 BC) the earth hit the maximum possible velocity, and stopped accelerating.

[edit- John pointed out to me that I was remembering my math wrong- it would take a year to hit light speed. So, Adam was just figuring out that animals tasted way better cooked by the time the earth hit warp one. Hurray for science!]

Sorry flat earthers, you'll have to try a bit harder to convince me!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Cricket

This afternoon, John and I were outside playing with Sam's kids. After we played hide and seek for half an hour or so (and all the hiding spots in the pretty empty back yard had been used several times), we were looking for something else to do. So we taught the boys how to play Cricket.

We have no idea how to play Cricket.

So, basically we just hit balls with bats and hockey sticks and made up names for anything we did. Here are all the moves I remember:

Punching Judy: hitting a ball slowly up a hill
The King Richard: Standing squarely over the ball, hit down onto it with your bat, making sure that it stays right where it is. This move can only be done with a flat ball
Googley: Hitting the ball downhill
Wicked Googley: Hitting the ball downhill towards a slide
The Crumpet: Fake hitting the ball with a hockey stick, but really kick it
The Dutchess of York: Pick up the ball with two bats and throw it
The Changing of the Guard: When a player drops his bat, another player picks it up, both players bow, and hand the bat off. The receiving player must say "the changing of the guard."
The Junior Patrick: Hit the ball over a red car

I'm pretty sure those are the real rules to Cricket. Or at least pretty close.
I'm a Mormon.