Who is California's Daddy, and What Does He Do?

I just read an article about Governor Arnold "It's Not a Tuma" Schwarzenegger, and I thought that Arnie deserved some praise from me for a job well done. Especially since his decision has gotten lots of other people saying less nice things about him.

California is in massive debt. Part of this, according to Sam, is due to the fact that in California issues and finances are voted on separately. In other words, the people can vote for a new program to help elementary schools, and at the same time, vote to refuse funding to that same program. As with so many problems, it is one of people thinking that words are magical and will solve everything.

Anyway, for that and other reasons, California is broke. Not just broke, but way broke. As in decided not to give tax refunds this year broke. Arnold put out a vote to the people for an increase in taxes that would cover the debt, and the people voted it down. So Arnold did the only thing he could do: he started cutting programs. I can't say I like cutting funding to the programs he cut (state parks, schools, etc), but I think it was the best of limited options.

It frustrated me to read in the article about people protesting, putting up pictures of children needing medical help, etc. Those protesters need to go back to the days when Mom and Dad explained their allowance to them. As we were all told when we were young, money does not grow on trees. If the people want lower taxes, they have to also have fewer government programs. That's just how it has to work. It would be great if we could all stop paying taxes and still have all the things we want from the government, but it just can't happen.

Arnold, I salute you for making the tough decision. More importantly, I now officially forgive you for using the phrase "pump up" in your campaign speeches.

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Stem Cells

In scientific news today, I read that President Obama's new policy on Stem Cells will (if not changed before it is passed) ban almost all current stem cell lines from being used. Nice work, Barack.

Here's the deal. In 2001, George Bush made an executive order that banned government funding of stem cell research on new cell lines. Most people think that this means he banned stem cell research, but that is not the case. What that means is that any scientist could do basically any stem cell research he wanted in the United States, as long as somebody other than Uncle Sam funded it. California even used state funds for a huge stem cell research institution. Just not federal funds. In addition to anybody being allowed to do any stem cell research they wanted under Bush, there was a list of about 20 stem cell lines that the federal government was willing to fund research on. So those ones became somewhat standard for lab use.

Standards in cell lines are very useful. It means that a researcher in Hong Kong and a researcher in Alaska and a researcher in New York could all do the same experiment and reliably get the same results. That standardization of results allows collaboration. It's a great system that works pretty well. But then Barack decided to "help."

In March of this year, he came out and said:

Today, with the Executive Order I am about to sign, we will bring the change that so many scientists and researchers; doctors and innovators; patients and loved ones have hoped for, and fought for, these past eight years: we will lift the ban on federal funding for promising embryonic stem cell research.

Sounds nice, right? Lifting bans, giving hope, and that change that our dear President is so fond of talking about. But here's the problem. The policy that is now starting to come out for how to apply these nice words includes very tight regulations on which cell lines can be used. And almost none of the ones used in the past fit the regulations.

Not only does this policy try to enforce retroactive ethics (it says these old lines were generated without really informing the donors of all possible uses of the cells, so we shouldn't be allowed to use them), but it also bans research on artificially created stem cells. As in, created without aborting a naturally conceived fetus. This isn't just a ban on funding, but an actual ban on research.

What that means is that the United States is no longer allowed to use the cell lines that other researchers are using. We cannot collaborate with anyone from other countries unless they switch to our lines, which would be much more expensive and impractical for them than just finding someone else to collaborate with. Our researchers will have to throw years of research down the drain, because they are not allowed to continue using the cells they have worked with.

In the end it's just another case of sweet, sweet words doing more harm than good. Thank you, Mr. President, for creating change we can believe in.

[edit- I just realized I never posted the article- here it is, but you need a subscription to Nature to read it.]

I suggest a new strategy, R2

For those of you who have never played Monopoly with me, let me start by saying that I am a very accomplished cheater. This is why I don't play Monopoly. Because I always seem to have more money than everyone else. It's a gift.

And by gift I mean "gift of money from the bank when nobody else is looking."

So, I was playing one of my very favorite card games with my nephew Harrison and my brother Sam. Sometimes I forget that playing with kindergartners requires some, shall we say, finesse. Or cheating. It's like that scene from Star Wars. "That's because Droids don't cry and whine all day when they lose." "I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the child win."

Let's just say that I never thought all my years of practice moving money quietly would be put to use in this way. I mean putting money in somebody else's hand? Now that's an accomplishment.

Happy Birthday to me!

Well, internet, I've had a great birthday. And now I'm going to talk about it. And you're going to listen. And you're going to like it. Or else.

The saga really starts yesterday. I am working in DC for the summer and staying with my brother Sam, his wife Mollie, and their three kids. I got off the airplane yesterday and when I got in the car I asked the boys how they were. Noah (3) immediately said "We made a poster for your birthday tomorrow!" Sam reminded him that it was supposed to be a surprise, and not to mention it any more. On the way home, Sam asked the boys what they wanted to show me first when we got home (as a tour of the house). They wanted to show me their room first, because that's where my surprise poster was. Again, Sam reminded them that since it was a surprise, they weren't supposed to talk about it.

We get to the house and Sam shows me around a little bit. We get to the kids room and Noah runs to the closet and points out to me the secret poster hidden there. Ah, kids and surprises. They're as bad as Dad.

Today I woke up not feeling particularly 24. I just wanted to relieve myself and brush my teeth. When I left the bathroom, Harrison (5) and Noah were standing outside the door with my poster. Only Harrison wanted to be in the picture, but they were both there.
Now, you can't see this (because I took a bad picture) but the poster is cut outs from Spiderman and Iron Man coloring books. With happy Birthday written in the corner. Actually it says Iron Man Happy Spiderman Birthday, but the names are just in there in case I didn't know who they were. It was very sweet.

After breakfast we went to church, where Noah demonstrated that he learned what most of us guys didn't learn till we were teenagers: that church is way more fun if you fall asleep while somebody scratches your back. Way to be ahead of the curve, Noah.

For my special birthday dinner, we had hamburgers and corn on the cob, which were both great. And Mollie made me a fantastic birthday cake.
Those of you who can count will notice that there are only 16 candles on this cake. No, I did not turn 16 today. We just didn't have enough. I tried to explain to the boys that each candle counted for a year and a half, but I think all they cared about was what was under the candles. Sam told them that we wouldn't eat cake until dinner was done, dishes were cleared away, and we had sung Happy Birthday.

When everybody was done, Sam and Mollie both had to walk away from the table for a bit, and Noah asked me why we weren't eating the cake (this question had been bothering him all afternoon). I told him that we had to sing Happy Birthday first, and he looked at me with the most desperate, pathetic puppy eyes I have ever seen and tried his hardest to sing, but only got past the first "Happy Birthday to you" before trailing off. He told me he didn't know the rest and started staring at the cake and slowly edging toward it, as if waiting for me to say it was enough.

Sam and Mollie came back and the boys sang again with some parental support.

As you can see, their main focus is on the birthday boy.
Harrison was trying to sing hard enough to blow out the candles so I had to cover his mouth to avoid eating too much spit. As soon as the song was done, though, the boys blew out most of the candles anyway (good thing I already knew what my wish would be), and I finished off the last 5 or 6.

I got some great presents, but the people interested in reading those are the people who gave them, so I will spare the rest of you the bother of wishing you had as awesome of a family as mine. Thanks, everybody!

Star Trek

New Star Trek : Old Star Trek :: Alcatraz : Harry Potter

Let me explain. Lately I have been studying for the GRE, and something I am not great at is the analogy part (remember the SAT? It's like that). So, here is my word bridge:

New Star Trek is like Old Star Trek made by somebody who knew what he was doing, just like Alcatraz is like Harry Potter made by somebody who knew what he was doing.

That is to say the new Star Trek movie was awesome. So awesome that I almost wrote AWESOME in all caps. Almost. Here's what I liked about it:

The casting was great. I worried from the previews that Kirk was going to be too much of a tool, but then I realized that Kirk being too much of a tool is basically impossible. Sylar was a great Vulcan, and the bad Spock hair cut looked right on him. Chekov was appropriately awkward (hehe..wictor...). Simon Pegg was the best Scotty ever. I mean, I think he's the best most things ever, but especially Scotty. With Uhura they sort of...well, went with the spirit of the law. She went from this:

to this:

Not that I'm complaining.

Lucas should have seen this movie before he did the Star Wars prequels. They showed pre-teen Kirk for about 5 minutes- just long enough for everybody to say "wow, that dude is kind of a badass who doesn't like authority." After that, they got the child actors off the screen.

The action was actually pretty darn good. Not really necessary for the plot, but good. It seemed like ol JJ was talking to somebody about making Star Trek and said "oh yeah? I bet I can even get in a GOOD fight scene!" And he delivered. Well done, JJ.

I think my favorite part of the movie was the fan service. It was very well done. They had basically everything a fan would need (pretty much every character said at least one line that you sweaty nerds have been waiting for, including "Damn it, blank, I'm a doctor not a blank!"), but it wasn't so much that the people who don't live in their mothers' basements couldn't have any fun. The fan service was subtle. A certain person walks on the screen in a red uniform and about half the people in the theater say to themselves "that dude's toast...". But when he dies, the other half isn't left trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

I do have a few small complaints, but since they are kind of big plot elements, I will leave them out so as not to spoil other people's fun. The only complaint I will share is that a woman on the Enterprise is sleeping with a man on the Enterprise, and that man isn't Kirk. Whaaa? How'd that happen?

As a parting thought, for all you nerds out there, check out the landscape on the planet Vulcan. If that doesn't give you a nerd-high, then I don't know what will.

Defensive Driving

Well, internet, I've got a real treat for you today. This week I went to a defensive driving class so I could save money on my car insurance. For any of you thinking of doing that, let me warn you: it will bore you to tears. I survived by doodling and taking good notes. I now present them to you, my adoring public:





No explanations necessary. Which is to say, I just smashed my hand with a ladder and don't feel like typing any more right now.

Star Trek

Yes, I'm a nerd.

I thought I should get that out of the way. In case you are worried about another movie review, fear not, friends. I haven't seen it yet. I just saw a great Onion News Network video about Star Trek that I thought I should share. Consider yourself in the loop.