Well, friends, I've done some serious thinking lately. About the things in life that really matter. Serious subjects. Like beards.
OK, so maybe it's not one of the important things in life. But it's still what I've been thinking about. You see, I've been bearding it up for the last month. A whole month, you ask in shock? Yes, a whole month. You see, as a nerd, I've done my research even on something as trivial and natural as growing a beard. According to most things I can find on the interwebs, 4 weeks is really the minimum to see how your beard will look. Something about follicles and growth cycles.
Anyway, the thing I've heard over and over for a month is "is it itchy?" Surprisingly not. Everyone always talks about how all beards are itchy. But mine hasn't been itchy for weeks. Itchiness is what has deterred so many from growing beards. And suddenly, I had an epiphany. Beards are like college.
When you first decide that you want to be an accounting major or an electrical engineer or whatever, you have to take some low-level classes that are really hard. Weed out classes. These are often much harder than anything else you have to do in the major, and the idea is to get people who aren't dedicated to it to drop out and become English majors, where there are no hard classes ever.
The first couple days of growing a beard are really itchy, and most men get to that stage and quit because they think it will always be itchy. This is a lie, brothers. It is just the weed-out phase of beard growing, trying to keep you from going on to the beauty of bearddom.
Anyway, for any of my imaginary readers dreaming of trying out a beard, just try to make it through the first 10 days or so, and it will be better. Then make sure you shave before my father sees you.